The second week in February can be daunting for those of us unattached. When the 14th rolls around and we are bombarded with Instagrams of flowers and heart shaped chocolates, paired with Facebook posts of proposals and romantic surprises, it can start to turn into a bit of an eye-roll. Valentines Day can put pressure on single babes to find a date, make plans, and generally aim to feel as non Bridget Jones as possible.
But wait, guys should be lined up to take you out, right? You’re smart, attractive, funny and have your life together; why a dating drought? If you are riding solo this Valentines Day and quite frankly don’t know why, I have a few ideas.
7. You Keep Dating Jerks
He’s hot, but a douche. He calls you when it’s convenient for him. You have been “hanging out” for almost a year but you’re not his girlfriend. He disappears. He is rude to your bestie. He is rude to you. Raise your hand if you have been dating the same type of guy for years now and end up broken hearted in the end. Dating the asshole over and over will only leave you disappointed and frustrated in the end. Stop trying to merge an emotionally unavailable Frat Boy into your Mr Right. Aint gunna happen.
6. You’re Unapproachable
When you go out do you perfect the glaring- pouty -arms-crossed-socialite thing? Do you go out in groups of eight and all stand in a closed off circle? If a guy starts talking to you, do you immediately dismiss him? Are you a hot-mess too drunk to stand and showing the entire bar your bits and pieces because your outfit involves a two small sequinned tube-top? If you answered yes to any of these questions you are sabotaging your guy potential. Nobody wants to invest their time with a bitch that screams high maintenance. Guys want to date the chick that is laughing, having a beer and enjoying herself; not giving cut eye across the room and complaining about something. When men think that YOU are drama, they will assume a relationship with you will be just as dramatic.
5. You Have Other Things to Do
Alarm goes of at 8, showered, Starbucks drive-thru on the way to work, meetings, emails, lunch with your co-worker. Split at 5, yoga at 630, dinner is whatever you have left over, quick glass of wine with your girlfriend, bed by midnight. Sound slightly familiar? Sometimes our lives are so filled with other priorities, our social life, that major work project, that we simply don’t have the time to meet someone, let alone find a free night for dinner and cocktails. Having a jam-packed schedule can men that guys are on the backburner. We all go through ebbs and flows in our social life and career, and sometimes taking a break from dating to focus on other priorities is healthy and necessary.
4. You Don’t Know What You Want
I have said this over and over and firmly believe it: Scattered dating produces scattered results. It is important to date different types of men to realize what it is you want, and what you cannot stand. You just have to go through the learning process. However, if you are looking for a serious relationship you should probably be dating like-minded people. You will be constantly disappointed if you keep expecting emotionally unavailable men to discuss commitment. Conversely, if you just want something casual, or are a social butterfly looking to stay free, start spending time with those friends of yours who still frequent the pub four nights a week, not the divorced guy with two kids. It saves a lot of time and energy if you figure out what it is you are looking for, and almost hold out until you cross paths with someone who wants the same, and lights you up.
3. The Timing is Off
Sometimes, our lives are not energetically attuned for a romantic relationship. (See #5.) It is my belief that sometimes our focus should be on ourselves, and we will not be presented with anyone interesting until it is our time. Depending on where you are in your life, being single might be the most fun time you will have, and before you know it your casual saunter into a restaurant to meet up with new friends could result in an unexpected connection. It can be tricky to learn to chill re: WHERE IS HE thoughts, but honestly it really does happen when you don’t look for it, and if your time is supposed to be occupied with something else (self, work, growth) Hot Guy isn’t going to show up — yet. I’ve noticed that once you are secure with where you are in your life, and have room for him, he will appear. Patience, grasshopper.
2. Fools Rush In
You meet, instant connection, suddenly you spend every waking moment together, it borders on obsessive, and before you know it, the relationship crashes and burns and is over before it even starts. When we fast-track our new connections we miss out on the journey. New relationships are just that –– new. It is important to let them breathe and build a solid foundation. I have personally experienced the disappointment of a hot-flash coupling that breaks. When you combine pressure and expectations with two pseudo strangers, essentially basing everything as a romantic ideal, the relationship then becomes time-stamped. Relationships need time. It’s important to slow down and enjoy the process of getting to know somebody and then having the power to decide for yourself without fast-forwarding the entire courtship process. Keep a little mystery. Fires only burn if they have room to breathe.
1. Deep Down, You Like Being Single
Being single is amazing. Sometime we get panicked when we feel like we are the only ones left (not true babes, come on) and we start to question ourselves. Then we remember we can do whatever we want. There is a certain joy that comes with being unabashedly free. You don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself. You can make your nights anything you want it to be. You don’t have to check in. Being single has just as many perks as being coupled up. Being single is empowering, and can be a wonderful part of your life and growing. Oh, and having Thai for one delivered during a Kardashian marathon on a Sunday night in an oversized hoodie is unapologetically blissful. Admit it.
Valentines Day is just that, a day. There is no need to get manic and over-analyze your temporary single status. Our universe is constantly bringing people too and from our lives; we are in constant interaction and meet people all the time. When you don’t want to be single, and it’s your time, your energy will change and so will your life.