Recently, one of my favourite girlfriends came over to indulge in chatter and a really good vintage rose. Quickly, the topic turned to a shared frustration. Without sounding like a dated Sex And The City cliché, we’ve acquired a mutual distain towards our dating life. Both logical, yet wildly open for adventure, it can be tough to not get jaded when the age old hope for “funny, smart and cute” have now blossomed into “a job and an apartment.”
Now, we are just hoping the basics are covered. How brutal is it that we have to tick off “employed” as a turn on? I have come to the conclusion that we have the rise of new red flag — which I have aptly titled: The Basics.
It is getting steadily more pathetic when we have to hope that our pseudo suitor has a job. Or a car. (If you live in a bustling city discount this example.) It would be ideal if at 34-years-old he was out of his parents place. Yes, I know we live in a different generation where careers just aren’t taking off in our early twenties. This Millennial generation are in school later, buying homes later, and we no longer are giving birth and shacking up at 21. However, there is a massive difference between living at home for a year to get a down payment for your first mortgage as opposed to having a safety net that prohibits adult growth. What I am referring too are spoiled, entitled child-men who never need an excuse to grow up. Note — guys, I am not dogging on your entire sex; there are a slew of princess-y women who take advantage of you too, I am simply referring to the symptom of this lazy epidemic.
The last guy that asked me out for dinner informed me I would have to drive, because he did not have a license, due to a record three DUI charges. He also didn’t have a bank account, just carried mass amounts of cash around. Questionable. Sure enough, he was “chillen with his parents for a bit.” My heart dropped.
This is not being judgemental; life can throw us some crazy waves sometimes, and I resect people who can ride them out — with dignity. It just really says something when grown up men seem to behave with the responsibility of a 6 year old. It makes me uneasy to think that essential adult-type behaviour are not only not being recognized, but it are not even desired. Personally, I need to be with someone who can bring something to the table, meet me half-way, and have the same drive as I do. It would quickly turn into a heavy resentment if in fact, I would have to parent a grown man who is older than me.
The basics are just that — a place, a job, a healthy lifestyle, etc. If he doesn’t seem to have skills that you should have learned in your early twenties, it can be difficult to sustain or even build something magic.
So, what happened?
It is my belief that we have leaned into a way of living that exemplifies spoiled, selfish behaviour. Many of us have grown up as divorcee’ casualties, with parents whom have spoiled us out of guilt. Ipso facto, many skilled and learned behaviours are either stunted, or never developed. In turn, the men around my age (28-35) may not have needed the life skills that dudes prior have mastered. Don’t get me wrong, this is in no way a blanket statement — there are so, so many responsible, dignified, adult men out there just waiting for a lucky lass to shower. All I am saying, is that there are also so, so many men who have been babied along the way with nothing to provide except a charming wink and perhaps a night of fun.
So, what to do?
Take a deep breath ladies. In this case, your best bet is to simply take note of the information given, and either pass GO and collect your 200 dollars, or cease fire and move on to the next. In no way am I jumping up for joy re: delayed-maturity; simply acknowledging the fact that if you want an adult relationship, with all the bells and whistles, you simply have to wait for an adult counterpart.
So, when to find them?
It can be no fun to be the single gal during this holiday time — or any time for that matter. We live in a world whereby a proverbial timeclock reminds us that we are oh so single. BUT, I must re-enforce the obvious. If you are done with the boys in between, you simply must ride it out. If you meet a Ryan Gosling look-a-like with a rap sheet longer than your arm (true story) and you are over being constantly disappointed, take it as a blessing that you have already learned the hard way and are no longer in need of a reminder about the pitfalls of loser bad boys. I would much rather be single, than sorry.
Times have changed. Of course we want intelligent, successful, attractive. However, unfortunately a new trend of sloppy, rent-free douchebag have seemed to creep up. Babes, it is not too much to ask to date a man who can meet you in the middle. When did “having goals” become a bare minimum? When a man does not posses the acquired skills of somebody his age it either screams entitled, spoiled, or lazy. None of which are what you deserve. He may be a smokeshow, but when Cutie saunters to your car and you question if you will have to foot the bill for the first date, it may be time to re-evaluate your wish list, and consider the new red flag.